Life in Vancouver

Forget “Sorry”, Goodbye Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

With the whole idea of going to Canada for a year it’s always on your radar that you’ll be leaving people behind and have to say goodbye. We had a leaving do a few weeks before we left. We wanted to do it before everything got crazy hectic and also before my best friend’s wedding the following week as they were set to go on honeymoon straight after the wedding and I couldn’t do it without her there!

Because it was still a few weeks to go I didn’t really get emotional at the party, I was still feeling very chilled about the whole move and more excited about going than thinking about leaving people behind. It was one group of friends, the guys I went to uni with that caught me a little bit on the night. We meet up not often, but regularly throughout the year for different things and they were talking about the next meet up. It hit me that I wouldn’t be there! It was like FOMO which then made me think actually I’m not going to see them at all.

I think when I’ve mentally prepared myself to say goodbye to people, when the goodbye comes it isn’t so bad. I know that I’ll see them either when they visit or in a year when we’re back. And again, the excitement of the adventure outweighs the sadness. Saying goodbye to people at the leaving do, I was mentally prepared. Saying goodbye to my sister, I was prepared (and she’s coming out in about 8 weeks). Saying goodbye to my best friend the day after her wedding – I was prepared (I’d been preparing for that one since she set the date and we knew it was the last time we’d see each other). The goodbye that caught me off guard was the one where I cried. My bestie’s mum. I’ve done countless bible studies and small groups with her, been to conferences and all sorts. When it came to saying bye I realised I hadn’t thought about that goodbye and instantly tears!

When we said goodbye to Tom’s parents after going out for a meal with them before they went on holiday on Friday morning (they booked it before we booked our flights and we didn’t realise they’d be away when we actually left!), and my dad after seeing him at the weekend (he hired a van so had to go back down south and back to work) I had fully prepared myself, and although it was weird and hard to say goodbye to them, I didn’t cry.

It’s so strange how the human brain works. Two nights before we were leaving I was lying in bed awake suddenly panicking that we were making a huge mistake. All the things we still had to do we’re rushing through my mind and with all that doubt also crept in the anxiety of not seeing our loved ones for an entire year and it hit me how much I’d miss them. The following day I was so exhausted I think my emotions were a little bit dead, but I was feeling a bit more sad about leaving people behind than I had done so far.

Going to the airport with my mum and auntie I knew it was going to be a tough goodbye. We went in two cars so I was with my mum for the drive which was lovely because we just got to chat. There were tears saying goodbye at the airport but I kind of expected that – all the emotion from the past month combining with the stress and relief of getting everything done was all quite a lot to deal with, also it was saying goodbye to my mum. I actually feel really blessed to be sad about the goodbyes.

It shows that we have amazing, loyal, kind and loving parents, sisters, friends, family and special people in our lives. So if I did or didn’t get emotional about our goodbye, just know that you will be missed!

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