I don’t even know how many times I have watched the series through, but there’s something mysteriously comforting about watching it in the dark, colder months.
I’ve always loved both Lorelai and Rory – their quirks and fast-talking made them feel like my friends, and their relationship kind of felt aspirational on some level if ever I had a daughter…
So here we are, my first time watching since becoming a mum to a little girl, and I wondered whether this time around it might hit different.
It’s fun to watch this unique family dynamic play out over seven years – Rory goes from a child to an adult in front of us, we see her character and personality develop and the bonds of varied friendship she establishes. Lorelai starts to become a little more her own person again as Rory gets older and we see her starting to do things for herself again, we see her develop in business and begin to date more, alongside her friendships and establishment within their small town.
On the relationships note – I do like the romances depicted. Each boyfriend for both Rory and Lorelai teaches us and them something new about their characters. You root for them in each new relationship as you would if you knew them, and when you see them start to crack it is upsetting, and sometimes relieving, and it all progresses right in front of you. I also like the side-romances that blossom – Laine and Zack, Sookie and Jackson, Paris and Doyle, they all bring different flavour.
The Rory-Lorelai dynamic doesn not get old for me. My mum hates Lorelai with a passion – she says she’s selfish and a terrible mother. I disagree. I think they obviously have a different situation to most, given that Lorelai was 16 when she had Rory and had run away from home, so they only had each other for quite a while – which lead to quite a level of co-dependency. But I think their closeness and friendship is admirable in a mother-daughter relationship, and it’s nice to see. Granted in the show the role of “mother” does sometimes flip between the two which isn’t healthy in the real world, but this isn’t the real world – it’s Gilmore Girls!
Up until the end of season 5 I still enjoyed it as much as ever. But the end of season 5, where Rory drops out of Yale and moves in with her grandparents, I suddenly felt less warm towards Lorelai. Out of nowhere she suddenly becomes horrible towards Rory; not hearing her out, not appreciating her point of view and position, not trusting her to make her own decisions, and then completely cutting her out.
It felt like a sharp turn from where you’d expect her character to move under the circumstances. She’d always wanted independence and not to be stuck in the path her parents had chosen for her, and the way she’d raised Rory reflected that – she gave Rory freedom to make her own decisions. All she really wanted was for Rory to get to do things she didn’t have the opportunity for, like travelling and college. I don’t think that Rory choosing to take some time out of college in the given situation would have bothered Lorelai in the arc they painted for her character, so it’s just kind of jarring that that’s how the writers made it go.
On social media, I have seen several people write about why they think Emily is the best Gilmore girl, and I did wonder if I’d see that perspective watching it through this time. But the reality is, Emily is cold and stuck in her ways – she does’t seem to care for Lorelai if Lorelai’s desire is outside of what is “right”. You do see some softness in her character at certain points, but ultimately she is the villain a lot of the time. I do think Emily is a great character, and she really serves a purpose in the story – but it’s rarely a loving or kind purpose. And for that reason she is not my favourite Gilmore girl.
If I had to choose, I’d pick Rory, but I think that’s because I was a teenager when I started watching it so age-wise I’ve related the most. I love Lorelai too, but this season 5 blip has knocked her off top spot.
Worth mentioning, and this is the same with most 90s shows I re-watch, some of the content does feel pretty dated and not ok now (e.g. lots of homophobia), but you can really tell it was the 90s with other topical references and so it is somewhat time-capsuled as a result. I heard someone say on a podcast recently that it’s actually good when we have those uncomfortable references on old TV shows because it shows we have progressed as a society.
A year in the Life – This little re-visit is a tad overdone. It’s like they had to cram in so much including character quirks, extra appearances, storyline catch ups, etc just to satisfy people’s whims without actually thinking about how it would be to watch it. It’s nice to have the little ten years later hurrah but it just feels like it wasn’t thought through. And the cliff-hanger at the end is just not fair!!! Will there be more? I we just supposed to imagine what comes next? Gah!
All-in-all I am a huge Gilmore Girls fan. It just makes you feel cosy, familiar and warm watching it. As a mum of a girl, I still want to be friends with my daughter and have little rituals, knowing looks and in-jokes. But I also want there to be a sensible mother-daughter relationship in the mix too! Particularly supporting your kid when they’re going through a rough patch a la season 5!
One thing I’ve noticed since becoming a parent, and I picked up on it a lot in this re-watch, is that you don’t have to have your child go through the bad stuff that happened to you for them to learn the lesson. You already learnt it the hard way, don’t make them do it too. Lorelai was shunned by her parents and had to go it alone, so when Rory panics and drops out of school Lorelai abandons her and let’s her go it alone. Instead of coming along side her, working through the hurts and whys of what happened and helping her get past it, then working on what’s next, as would have been a healthier option.
So there’s my take-away as a mother of a daughter re-watching Gilmore Girls!
I do hope that one day, on a chilly autumn afternoon, I’ll sit down with Maisie and start to binge the series with her too!
Ellen Wiggins 